Actions vs Emotions or be rational vs reactionary. 

I recently saw this post on FB:

Your child’s life will not be defined by how they feel.

It will be defined by what they do, especially when they don’t feel like it.

Modern parenting is obsessed with validating every feeling.

We have taught our children that their emotional state is the most important thing in the world.

The hard reality is this:

Feelings are fleeting, unreliable masters. A life guided only by them is a ship without a rudder, tossed in a storm of impulse.

The greatest lesson you can teach your child is to show up when they’re not motivated.

To do their homework when they’re bored. To be kind when they’re angry. To keep a promise when they’re tired.

This is how you build character. This is how you build a life.

Don’t just raise a child who is in touch with their feelings.

Raise a child who is in command of their actions.

One is a passenger. The other is the pilot.

Author: Arsalan Moin

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This has been echoing in my head for days now. Am I the passenger or the pilot? And how is this applicable to shooting?

This is a very important concept in defensive shooting and self-defense in general. In order to prevail against the violence that might be directed at us, we must stay in control. We must keep our wits about us and must have the right mindset and skills in order to take the correct actions. But, in order to be able to perform at that level we must have a high level of training too! If the computer (the brain) doesn’t have the program to run it doesn’t have anything to load and run. Panic can set in and the wrong decision will likely be made. Decisions that could result in jail time, guilty verdicts, terrible guilt and more.

But the more I think about it, the more applicable it is to other areas too! Competition shooting takes a calm mind and a plan. You have to be able to tamp down the nerves and anxiety and run your plan when you hear the beep. It’s also applicable to the training environment. You are often asked to do something way outside your comfort level when learning a new concept or skill. I’ve seen the panic take hold many times and nearly had it take hold of me during a tough class or qualification.

In de-escalating a tense situation, I teach people to respond, not react since reactions are emotional and irrational in nature. Responding is rational, trained and planned like crisis or disaster response. You notice they don’t call is disaster reaction. Stress inoculation is an important part of training. So is increasing the cognitive load and the ability to make decisions under pressure. If you’ve only attended your LTC class and have your permit and haven’t done any of this kind of work, you are just fooling yourself that you have a plan and will be in control when the worst day of your life arrives. Do you want to be on the witness stand trying to defend your actions and thought processes without any pertinent, realistic, recent training under your belt? If you haven’t done this you will be the passenger on the journey of that incident and unable to make the best decisions possible.

I’m going to remember to always be the pilot, not the passenger. Be rational, not reactionary. Reactionary means you are behind the curve. Show up when you’re not motivated. Do the right thing even when you don’t feel like it or no one is watching. Do your homework when bored. Train when it’s hot and cold. Train when it’s raining. Train when it’s windy. Train in your street clothes. Train when you don’t feel like doing it. Training and planning make one the master of their actions and the pilot, not the passenger to out of control emotions. Be in command of your actions. Be the pilot.